Many couples wait to get marriage counseling, thinking they don’t need it, but that is not always true and marriage counseling can actually help.
FD and I have been doing marriage counseling now for the past year. Today is our last day, before summer break and I’m here to tell you that getting marriage counseling is one of the best things we’ve ever done.
Can Marriage Counseling Really Help?
Many couples do not want to get marriage counseling because they afraid of airing their “dirty laundry” to a complete stranger, and they think there is no way a stranger can help them in matters of their marriage. But that is just not true. Sometimes it is actually easier to talk to a stranger about problems you are facing, than it is to discuss things with friends and family who will often take a bias stance.
FD and I have a strong marriage. We barely argue or fight and spend almost 24 hours a day together. So if that is true, why then did we need marriage counseling?
Marriage counseling isn’t just for marriage’s falling apart. Take FD and I for example. Our reason for getting marriage counseling was because FD has a brain injury, and it’s not always easy for him when parenting the boys. There are huge struggles going on between my husband and my oldest son. Struggles that need attention. I’m always caught in the middle and that is not fair to me. So we opted to get some help to help us figure things out.
What Should You Look for or expect When Seeking Marriage Counseling?
- First find a good counselor or therapist. Someone who will listen to both sides and not just one
- Find a counselor you are both comfortable with. Being comfortable is important.
- Expect to be honest. Without honesty there is no room for growth or reason to fix things.
- Don’t be defensive. You are not getting counseling because you are broken. You are getting marriage counseling to fix something you want to get better. That is the goal.
My husband FD has nothing to draw from when parenting our boys. Having a brain injury doesn’t permit him to go back into his memories and take what he learned from his parents to help parents our kids. This has put a strain on our marriage, and I for one am grateful that the past year while getting marriage counseling helped us.
We will be starting up counseling again after summer is over. I’m going to make a list and so is FD on all the things we both wish to discuss, fix and work on.
The most important thing we have learned from all this, is that marriage counseling or not, we are in this together. Just us, and we are the ones who have to make it work.