This summer has been truly fantastic for us. I have had tons of fun, especially with the boys. I have taken long walks with Jacob, talked to him more in two weeks than I have the past two months which is a nice change, learning all his worries with the upcoming year and him starting grade seven. Grade seven already!
Trace and I have also bonded more which is a nice change. He is hugging me more which is great. His listening still needs improvement and since leaving school he’s been out of sorts in the areas of socializing with the other kids, taking everything to heart and often throwing fits and tantrums. It’s frustrating but we are learning to cope.
He’s on my iphone like four to five times a day. Trace loves my phone. He knows how to play the music, watch the videos, search for apps himself. It blows my mind. He’s also given up on the PS2 which makes me very happy. For a while there it was daily and caused him to become more violent so when I disconnected it, we got through the tears and now there are no more tantrums over it which is nice. I just feel the apps on the phone are more creative, teach him more and he is calmer as they open up his imagination.
Gearing up for the new school year has me nervous I have to say. I’m fricken worried about everything lately. I mean everything. And I’m the type who stresses yes, but never does it affect me really physically or mentally the way it has been lately. It’s been awful. So I took a week off blogging and just tried hard to enjoy the sun, the boys and the outdoors.
Sometimes I’m angry my son has special needs. Does that make me a bad mother? I’m not sure. I don’t want to feel angry but it creeps in. I have guilt sometimes and I feel bad, like maybe there was something more I could have done to protect him during his birth and after. I know that is selfish. I love Trace and wouldn’t trade him in for the world. I just hate the lack of closeness I feel, which is why I’m cherishing every single moment he throws at me this summer.
“I love you mommy.” The best four words I’ve ever heard in my life.
Trace is now expressing feelings on his own, though he tells me sometimes he feels nothing. I know sometimes it’s only coping with the situation so he says what he thinks other want to hear. Like his father (Forgetful Dad) Trace is amazing at coping and blending in and learning how to handle things.
Being shy. Something new that started this past month. If we go somewhere Trace freaks a little when someone he doesn’t know talks to him. He hides behind me, gets mad and hits me if I keep talking to them. We aren’t really sure why. I try my best to tell him it’s okay, there is nothing to be scared of. He just gets mad and yells at me. He calls me fat, stupid and other names I’d rather not repeat for fear of crying on my keyboard LOL.
I hope Trace and JJ will both settle in as September approaches. I hope my fears will go away. I hope we can all learn to get along more and push past these rough moments we are having as a family. But for now I’m going to just enjoy the sun, the time we have left this August and remember I’m luckiest mom alive because my boys are amazing.
What have you been up to this summer? Have you gone anywhere?