He walks down the stairs, taller than me, hovering over me as he gives me a morning hug. He smells — musty and a little dirty at times. He’s sweaty because he’s been outside playing basketball with his friends or up in his room listening to his ipod (rap crap) that makes my ears bleed.
He’s almost five feet seven inches. He wears a size 13 shoe. He can now borrow his dad’s jeans. He uses words like “sexy” “beast” or “sick” to describe things that are cool to him, things I try to relate to but just can’t. He has started swearing, sometimes has emotional out-bursts and has become distant in the past six months.
I have a Teenager and I hate it!
I know it’s inevitable. Kids grow up and there is nothing we can do about it. I guess I just never figured that it would be so damn difficult to deal with. I miss my son. I miss him being little. I miss his little boy smile when he used to rush into his arms because he’d fallen and needed a hug.
Now he walks in the door, bleeding from his knees or his elbows because he did a flip on his roller blades or skate board. “I’m okay mom, it’s just a little blood.” he tells me.
Just a little blood? My stomach clenches, but not because of the blood. It clenches because he doesn’t need me to kiss it better anymore. He doesn’t need a hug or an “I love you” in fact those things now make him cringe just a little and now I get to hear him say…
“Stop being so emotional mom, I’m fine. It’s okay don’t cry, I’m a big boy now.”
He says these things with slight humor in his voice as though my reaction to his being hurt is kinda stupid, which it probably is but I can’t help it.
I think back to the moment I had JJ and God how I fell instantly in love with him. I never imagined I could love anything so much in my life and yet — there he was. He helped me more than he will ever know.
He helped me grow up. He helped me become a mother. He helped me leave an abusive man who hurt me daily for many years, and all because I loved him so much and I only wanted what was best for him.
They don’t tell you when you have kids how hard it is to learn to let go of them. It’s our job as parents to love our children, support them, keep them safe, teach them right from wrong, so that one day they can grow up and become confident adults and make good decisions in their life when the time comes.
They don’t tell you that when the time comes for them to make those decisions on their own — how difficult it will be allowing them that freedom, praying and hoping things turn out okay and that their not needing you anymore or needing you less will hurt so bad.
I cried hard today – alone in my room. I just want him to be little again. I want him to need me. I want to take care of him. I don’t want to see this sweaty beast man of a child walking around with the realization that in three years he will be driving. In six years he will be drinking. In eight years he will most likely move out and away from me.
My heart begins to break…
JJ is my first. My first child. My first baby. My first love that I ever felt so unconditionally that it was a gift from God I cannot even begin to describe.
He’s a good kid. He’s a sweet boy. He’s a teenager now, and whether I like it or not… He’s becoming a young adult. It sucks! I hate it! I’m sad inside about it. But I’m so grateful for the time I have with him right here and right now. I won’t ever take a moment for granted.
Family Quotes to Sum Up How I Feel
“The rules for parents are but three… love, limit, and let them be.” ~ Elaine M. Ward
“Kids can be a pain in the neck when they’re not a lump in your throat.” ~ Barbara Johnson
“Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.” ~ Elizabeth
Are you the mom or dad of a teen? Chime in Below and Share Your Thoughts
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My 14 year old grew up so ft. he is 6 ft 2 and very strong. Loves Facebook and the girls love him. His taste in clothes is expensive and his taste in music sucks lol
gingermommy recently posted..Traditional Female Roles- Guest Post
lol doesn’t it always!
You made me cry!! I have a 22 month old son and just today I was thinking how I better treasure these moments when I can make him laugh over the silliest things. I love watching his tiny chubby face smile and light up and I’m dreading the time when I have to start letting him go. Why do they have to become hairy man-beasts??
I have no idea Marni, but it’s not fun that’s for sure. Awwww I miss my kids when they were that little, hold tight to your little guy and enjoy every moment hun
thanks for commenting.
You know I was also thinking later after I read your post that I don’t know if our sons ever stop needing us, it just might look different on the outside. And that teen era is a tough one! But I have a brother who is now 27 and he loves our mama and talks to her often, but he certainly didn’t when he 13, hehe (or 15, or 18 …).
Marni recently posted..My Inner Norwegian Is Trying To Bust Out
That is true. Both my brothers are close to my mom. I’m just a weepy mom lol who misses her kids being little. I don’t want them to grow up hahaha
In November I will be the mom of 2 teenagers and a 20 yr old. I know this feeling all too well..
Angel Shrout recently posted..Dear Trucker ,I will roll you for 125.00 know that!!
wow really Angel, I had no idea hun:) you look fantastic! Not easy watching them get older and become adults like us (okay hopefully) better than us lol