Asperger and Kids Good at School Bad at Home

It never fails. Like clockwork, our morning routine is always the same.

We get up and our oldest son is already walking out the door.  It takes us fifteen minutes to get monkey out of bed.  Right off the bat there is confrontation and nasty words spilled.

“Leave me alone. Don’t touch me. Go away. I hate you. Get away from me!” shouted loudly with slurs of him becoming a quick anger-ball, all before we even get him dressed.  And, then it continues.

“My corn-flakes are too soggy. I want a new shirt! I hate these pants they are scratchy. I don’t want to wear my boots. I am not going to school.”

FD and I run around, spending time asking what monkey wants for lunch, re-directing his bad mood elsewhere on what he’s going to do at school that day. We do everything we can not to lose our tempers when the arguing escalates, smiling and hugging, saying how much we love monkey and to have a great day. And, we usually manage to get him off to school just in the nick of time.

Then it happens. It’s time for pick-up and I dread it. I know that’s awful as a mom. I just don’t know how Trace is going to be. Is he going to be in a good mood, bad mood, angry with me when I haven’t seen him all day?  I don’t know and my anxiety level rises but I go with the flow and take my cues to see how he is.

I have spoken to Trace’s teacher about his behaviour at home and I always get the same sympathetic look from her that makes me want to smack her upside the head sometimes.  But who can blame her, really?  I mean it’s hard for her to see what I tell her when the opposite happens in her classroom.

“He’s had five years to work on you. Five years to train you?” she tells me, always giving me a slight grin as though I’m being punked and don’t know it yet.

I just want to scream!  I want someone to see what I do. Trace is horrible at home. He shouts, hits, bites, cries, whines, argues and talks back in ways I never imagines my lovely little five year old would do. He actually shocks me, sometimes. And I think…

What the hell am I doing wrong? Why is my son who has Aspergers so damn good at school and so bad at home?

Aspergers child explains this behaviour, though it doesn’t bring me comfort.  And another mom blogger recounts her situation where she was the teacher and now the shoe is on the other foot, as a mom dealing with her daughter.

I don’t know, in all honesty I can understand that if school is so much, Trace would come home and take it out on us. I just can’t imagine this going on for the rest of his school years. God I pray he doesn’t.

I just want to find a way to reach my son. So I’m going to call his teacher and find out how deals with his good behaviour and how she deals with things he does that he shouldn’t.

I think what I hate the most is that when I speak to her about my feelings and what he’s doing. She looks at me like I’m nuts. She tells me he’s so good, she never has any issues.

This morning I asked Trace why he’s so good for his teacher and his reply… “Because those are her rules.”

Maybe I am being punked. Maybe I am not strict enough. I don’t know. I just know something has to give, because the way Trace treats not just me, but his dad and brother and so outwardly defies everything, has melt downs and acts up. I don’t know… but my patience is running thin.